Monday, August 14, 2017

The Self Perception and Purpose of the Retaining Male



Once my man was retaining, I  began to naturally assert my self.  As he was retaining his self perception began to change bringing him more into alignment with the vision of what I thought our relationship should be.  I feel that ideally that a relationship should be loving and passionate through the years and not taper off to a passionless state with time. Retention seems to have largely accomplished that for us.  Again, I only have experience with one retaining male so your mileage may vary, but I assume most men will respond in a similar way.

The biggest thing for my husband was changing the perception of his ejaculation as a "given" in intercourse to ejaculation being optional.  My perception also changed about this as well.  I know this isn't practical, but in an ideal world, I think men should only ejaculate when trying to conceive a child, and the rest of the time during the relationship, he should be retaining in order to foster maximum emotional intimacy in the relationship.  My husband certainly doesn't do this, but still his perception of his ejaculation has gone from it's totally up to him whenever and wherever to "I want to ejaculate.  I need to discuss this with her."  And we'll have a meeting and discuss it.  It's up to me to decide if it's the most prudent thing for him or not.  Ejaculation is not frivolous thing for him as it is for most males.  That's a huge change for him and it has a ripple effect to other aspects of his psyche:

Cultural Perception of Masculinity

This is a big one.  A real man shouldn't have to ask his wife if he can ejaculate.  I would contend that a real man can see the big picture and see that if he submits to his wife in this one area, that the whole relationship will transcend to a different level.  And that he needs her to be stronger than he can be during the heat of intercourse and enforce retention.  Most western males simply aren't going to be able to retain without assistance form the female.  Retaining isn't something that he can secretly do.  It's something that's out in the open that we're both aware of, and I do what I can to stop it to preserve his semen contents like the precious zinc in his system among other things.  We have separated ejaculation from intercourse and accept that his penis is only for penetration and to help me climax and a weekly draining to flush it out for maintenance. The cultural perception of masculinity has been determined largely by free ejaculating males and the women that submit to them.  Things that come from it like two men hitting each other in the head until one falls down are probably disposable and not essential to our culture.  From my experience, the retaining male is focused on his wife and not cultural perceptions.

Humiliation

He confesses that he feels humiliated on occasion as I use him for my pleasure leaving him with an engorged penis and my secretions covering his face as I just walk away.  But this dynamic makes him even harder, so I discount it.  Humiliation is part of his arousal mechanism, and it seems to be the result of retention.  Couples will have to make their own observations about this, and see if it bares out for them as well.  Retention leaves him accepting his role as a tool for my pleasure and looking forward to serving me again and again.

Once I had him to the point where he knew that I wanted him to consult with me before ejaculation, it brought us much closer.  He waits for the release command on ejaculation day.  The last thing he hears before his ejaculation is the sound of my voice giving him permission to do so.  I think that this alone will produce changes in the relationship.  And I must admit, it's a bit of a rush seeing a penis do that simply because I tell it to.  I always like to look back as I'm riding his face for my orgasm after giving the release command to watch him squirt.  Once I removed that privacy from his life, and inserted myself in the decision making process between him and his penis, he was always hoping to be with me.  We went from leading separate lives in many ways to being much closer and increasing the frequency of intimacy.


Men and Women: The Nature of Their Sexual Purpose

My husband is only denied orgasm because it's so inextricably tied to ejaculation. To retain means holding onto his semen and unfortunately that means removing orgasm but not pleasure.  There is no need to introduce this life giving fluid into our recreational activity.  It's interesting that women can orgasm for purely recreational reasons having nothing to do with procreation, and it's virtually impossible for 99.9% of men to orgasm without spilling what's vital only for procreation, but yet we view men as the more sexual creature when in reality it's the opposite with a sexually awakened woman.  Men are procreative creatures preoccupied with and driven to release ejaculate.  I let my husband fulfill his purpose of releasing ejaculate about once to twice a week.  I simply delay his release by 3-7 days instead of 3-7 minutes letting our passion and intimacy spread into all aspects of our life throughout the week.  Why not have him retain all the time?

There are some men that do retain all the time; however, I think it may be a healthy thing to flush out the plumbing once in awhile.  Also, if he was never allowed to ejaculate, his brain would turn to mush.  When we have gone for longer periods without, he becomes too needy to be with me constantly desiring sex.  He follows me around like a lost puppy and can't think straight.  Some women may enjoy this, but it gets to the point where I find it an annoyance and can't get any real world activities done.  Then I begin to resent him which is not the goal for our relationship.  If the sexual activity isn't bringing both parties closer together, it's time for us to rethink and change strategy.

Women are sexual having sex not only to procreate but for their own pleasure releasing no fluid that has anything to do with procreation during orgasm.  The male orgasm is inextricably tied to the procreative act.  A women's orgasm is not.  The reader can make their own observations about this fact, but I think I can draw conclusions about this fact as to our purposes for my husband and myself.  I have sex as recreation.  He has sex for procreation not that he wants children, but the end result of the sex act is a fluid that is only good for that purpose.  He can have sex as recreation as well but only without orgasm and ejaculation.  He receives intense pleasure but no orgasm leaving him without resolution in the moment but lasting intimacy throughout the week, hoping, yearning, longing to be close to me and only me. This is what all women/girls think they get when they get married and a man takes his vows.  This is an illusion.  I've found the only way to achieve this with a man is through semen retention from my experience.  It can only be done by inserting myself into his private life and making his ejaculation very much my business.

My husband found the chart below.  I think it's from Marnia Robinson author of Cupid's Poison Arrow. It basically sums it up.  The notations on the chart are added by someone else, but I think they may be relevant.  With retention, there is no sudden rise in prolactin and drop in Dopamine. prolaction is basically the "I don't love you anymore hormone".  I assume after intercourse, these levels do taper off to somewhat normal, but it appears to me there is not a sudden dump of prolactin into his system like happens with ejaculation given his response with no ejaculation.  It could be said that by preventing the dump of prolactin the wife is preserving the love that her husband has for her.  Sorry ladies if that demystifies love for you.  But an autopsy on love has been done, and we know basically how it works in rudimentary terms.  They say upon ejaculation, prolactin can be released in surges for up to two weeks which does account for his testiness and lack of respect for me at certain times from my observation if true.  If a man is ejaculating daily with masturbation, is it any wonder why passion is drained form a marriage.  If we go with this prolactin theory, and I think I will, there are studies of multi orgasmic men that really don't have a refractory period.  Meaning they have intercourse, ejaculate and then immediately go at it again.  They have measured that there is no prolactin release on that first ejaculation, but there is on the second ejaculation.  They are not done with the woman until there is that prolactin release.  So by stopping the prolactin dump into his system, I can regulate his love and adoration for me.


I've heard the phrase "adoring husband", but I don't think I've ever seen one until we practiced semen retention.  Let's look at the definition of adoring:

Adoring
- love and respect (someone) deeply.
- worship; venerate
synonyms:worship, glorify, praise, revere, reverence, exalt, extol, venerate, pay homage to;

What woman wouldn't want the adoration of her husband?  I have it.  I thought I'd share my experience.  Maybe other women might gain some insight into their men by virtue of my experience.

~Namaste 

Thanks to my hubby for help with the website ...and the orgasms!

DISCLAIMER: This blog depicts the loving consensual agreed upon relationship between the author and her husband.  Every relationship should be safe, sane, and consensual.  Anything else is illegal. This blog is not meant to substitute for your personal due diligence and is not to be taken as medical advice.

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Reader Letter: Wife Is Very Pleased


"Writing at my wife's request who recently found your blog. She's so pleased by the benefits of this that she wonders why allow any ejaculation, ever? Two weeks in so far and I'm worried about health consequences, although she says those are overblown. She also took to the separate bed idea given my constant night erections. So now after some gentle oral attention under the covers while she reads, followed by a nightly leg and foot massage while she falls asleep, I retreat to the sofa. Worried I'm becoming more of a maid than a husband (yes, apron and all), although in all other areas we're communicating and getting along better than ever. Advice?"

I’m so glad that both of you are finding retention rewarding.  You will need to ascertain the benefits or ill effects of retention for yourselves.  I really can’t make a recommendation.  Consult your physician.   Just keep up on the latest studies and see where it leads you.  As far as the psychology of the relationship you can also alternate back and forth and see if the marriage is better with retention or without.

"She's so pleased by the benefits of this that she wonders why allow any ejaculation, ever?”

No ejaculations ever?  It’s just my opinion that ejaculation reinforces erections keeping it likely that they will occur more frequently.  I like erections, and that’s my target behavior.  If erections are never allowed to ejaculate, there may be fewer and fewer erections just going by behavioral science principles.  They call that putting behavior on extinction when the reinforcer (in this case: ejaculation) is never delivered.  Intermittent reinforcement causes target behavior to strengthen.  So when I let him squirt once a week but not always, his penis always has hope that this time may be the time and not just exist in despair of why bother because it’s not going to happen anyway.  I’ve heard of men that retain for very long periods, like for months and months. I’m not sure what the right answer is.  Each couple will have to work that out for themselves.  I think if I said never, my husband’s sex drive may dwindle, and he may lose interest.  There are plenty of couples out there that don’t have sex and both libidos are low.  His desire fuels mine and drives our sex life.  We’re tied very close together like that. You'll have to discuss your ejaculation schedule with your wife.  She can experiment with it and see where your sweet spot is.  It probably varies with each male.

Also from a medical stand point, it may be beneficial to flush the pipes so to speak for prostate health.

"She also took to the separate bed idea given my constant night erections"

I'm so sorry you lost your bed.  I hope you're getting proper rest.  Personally, separate beds works best for us for the reason your wife has stated.  Erections are for women that are awake.  I hope you can find room for a proper bed somewhere so you can have your own space.  There are definitely benefits to separate beds.  We use his bed for sex, and it keeps my sheets clean.  Most people associate separate bedrooms with a marriage gone bad.  We associate separate bedrooms with a marriage that is so passionate, sleep doesn't happen unless there are separate rooms.  I don't advise people to do it.  I don't want to be the cause of people drifting apart.  Many find a close connection by sharing the same bed.  Experiment and see what works.

"Worried I'm becoming more of a maid than a husband (yes, apron and all)"

I can see this being a common concern as men discover their true nature through retention.  And when your surrounded by free ejaculating men that haven't been trained to retain, you will probably notice differences between you and other men.  Being a maid and husband aren't exclusively separate roles, IMO.  If your wife is happy expanding your role as husband to include being the maid, that's up to her.  I think you just need her assurance that she still respects you as a man.  Conventional societal roles are hard to overcome.


"in all other areas we're communicating and getting along better than ever. Advice?"

And that's what it's all about.  Don't force it.  Flow with it.  Have regular companion inventories.  Make sure you're both on the same page and heading in the same direction, and you won't need advice from anybody.

~Namaste

 Thanks to my hubby for help with the website ...and the orgasms!

DISCLAIMER: This blog depicts the loving consensual agreed upon relationship between the author and her husband.  Every relationship should be safe, sane and consensual.  Anything else is illegal. This blog is not meant to substitute for your personal due diligence and is not to be taken as medical advice.


Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Concerns About the Safety of Jade Eggs

It's come to my attention that it may not be advisable to insert Jade Eggs inside the vagina.  It's been my understanding that these eggs have been used by women for over a thousand years originating in China.  There seems to be a recent controversy between gynecologist Dr. Jen Gunter and Gwyneth Paltrow about Jade Eggs.  Dr. Gunter a OB/GYN states that Jade is porous and can harbor bacteria.  I've always heard Jade Eggs referenced as non-porous which contradicts Dr. Gunter although bleaching can cause jade to become porous.  This is outside of my expertise.  People should research and do their due diligence on the subject and consult their doctor.  I've never heard of women getting an infection from Jade Eggs following the recommended cleaning procedure.  Of course that doesn't mean it's not happening.

I don't leave it in at night.  I also don't wear it daily.  My experience has been nothing but positive in regards to more vaginal tone and moisture.  Here's a couple of links that will give some more info.

Yoni Egg FAQ

http://www.cnn.com/2017/01/27/health/jade-egg-vagina-partner/

There are thousands of women using eggs and some gynecologists that recommend against using them because of infection risk.   The user should do their research and due diligence on yoni egg usage before purchase.  There is a potential infection risk because of the porous nature of the stone.  I won't recommend them until more is known.


DISCLAIMER: This blog depicts the loving consensual agreed upon relationship between the author and her husband.  Every relationship should be safe, sane and consensual.  Anything else is illegal. This blog is not meant to substitute for your personal due diligence and is not to be taken as medical advice.

Saturday, January 7, 2017

Reader Question: How do I introduce this to my partner?



I've received a few questions from men that are really intrigued by this system, but are hesitant or afraid of what their wife might think or how they might react.  This is one of my most recent comments.


Wonderful blog you have here. Nicely put and everything seems logical. I want to share and practice this with my wife but I'm afraid how. I'm afraid how she's gonna react or what will she think.

I found this intro to Karezza video, and I wanted to share it.  First, if you don't know what your wife will think, there needs to be more open communication in your relationship.  Talking about what will turn you or her on, or how we can make our great relationship even better, hopefully should always be up for discussion.  And if you don't know how she would react, I certainly don't.

The below video is a really great intro to Karezza.  There is really only one flaw in that they recommend that both the male and female abstain from orgasm.  Alice Bunker Stockham is the originator of Karezza.  She originally recommended that only men refrain from orgasm, but she thought that was unfair to the men and so adapted it to also include women as well.  The Tao or Tantra would disagree.  And as I witness it in my own life, having intercourse with a male that's practicing retention has opened my sexuality even further allowing me to be multi-orgasmic.  I am not drained by having orgasms.  I am only enhanced.  My husband however is drained of energy by ejaculation.  With daily stimulation, my husband's one orgasm a week is more powerful than they otherwise would be.  So, Mrs. Stockham came up with a good thing and then got sidetracked by some twisted version of what she thought might be fair and just IMO.  You can practice however you think it works best for you as a couple.  I have not read Cupid's Poisened Arrow by Marnia Robinson, but I am familiar with her point of view from interviews etc.  I thought this video could be a nice little ice breaker to open up a discussion as a couple to other possibilities:

Cupid's Poisened Arrow Animated Book Review 



The Daily News also did a story on Karezza which could also serve as an ice breaker:

Skip the Orgasm - What's the Point? Couples Embrace Karezza, Sex Without Climax to Strengthen Relationships

ABC News has a story and video:

Karezza: Men Say Best Sex Comes Without Orgasm

Here's a very well grounded woman who helps and facilitates her partner's retention:

Sacred Sex Magic: Conserving Male Energy Using Karezza




Here's a interview with Marnia Robinson which could serve as nice ice breaker:

What Really Bonds is Less Orgasms & More Intercourse



Marnia applies abstaining from orgasm to women in this interview, and says you have to see where you fall on the bell curve as to how it effects you.  Many women don't orgasm during sex naturally.  Are they practicing Karezza?  No, they have a physiological or psychological barrier.  I simply have no ill effects from orgasm, and I have 9 nearly every day.  Many women struggle to have an orgasm.  They need to open their sexuality.  Men have much more profound ill effects from orgasm / ejaculation.  These videos can serve to open the discussion, and the couple can discuss the best method to facilitate the male's retention.  We have found that it works very well in the context of a FLR.

Anyway, here's some potential ice breakers.  See if you deem them appropriate for your spouse to view.

~Namaste





DISCLAIMER: This blog depicts the loving consensual agreed upon relationship between the author and her husband.  Every relationship should be safe, sane and consensual.  Anything else is illegal. This blog is not meant to substitute for your personal due diligence and is not to be taken as medical advice.

Monday, December 12, 2016

Terms of Entry


Our intercourse sessions are very passionate.  I think if most women could witness them, they might find it unbelievable.  But this is the way a man responds to a woman's vagina when he is stimulated with it daily without ejaculation.  The sobbing, crying and screaming are par for the course as I ride him in his pre-climax state letting him rest only when I'm riding his face for my orgasm.  I've become very skilled in the saddle, backing off to give him some space so he doesn't spill but not too far so he falls out of his pre-climax state.

I think every woman wants the power to fuck her husband's brains out, and ladies, once you've introduced your husband to his new life of retaining with an ejaculation schedule, that's exactly what will happen each and every time you have sex, not just on a birthday or anniversary.  My husband is delirious during intercourse and takes a while to get his head on straight afterward.  Note: Your husband should not drive after sex like this, and performing even simple tasks like pouring a glass of water can be a challenge as his brain is swimming in all those neuro transmitters.  Now that's erotic power.  Of late, my husband is begging to have another week or even month off from retaining as I ride him hard and relentless which can make it difficult for him to reach that 7th day for ejaculation while on the verge of release without spilling.

I've mentioned having a ceremony where he would vow only to ejaculate when given permission by me.  But he really seems to be dragging his feet on this issue, so I decided to go ahead and make it easy on him and set the Terms of Entry to my vagina.  He may be uncertain about that kind of commitment, but I'm not.  And I feel certain that at this point in my life that I will not be in a relationship with a man that is not retaining and on an ejaculation schedule.  I think any woman that has tried this would feel the same way.

As a woman, I have the right to decide on the terms and conditions that I will participate in a relationship with a man, and the man of course has the right to choose a different path with a different woman.  But if my husband wants to enter my vagina, these are the terms that he must abide by:

  • He must practice semen retention.
  • He must abide by the ejaculation schedule I  set.
  • He will submit to the agreed upon consequences for unauthorized ejaculation.
I don't set these terms lightly, but the trial period is over.  There is no question our relationship is better in every respect under this system.  I'll relate the experience of coming to this obvious realization that I have rights too. This is a two way street.

During one of our sessions where he's half out of his mind and begging to take maybe a 30 day break from this which will certainly never happen, I thought what would Lady Elizabeth Bathory do?  The answer in my head was she would probably hang him upside down, cut his throat, drain his blood and bathe in it.  Okay, wrong person to ask.  Note to self, don't ever ask Liz for advice.  So, in the throws of excruciating pleasure as he's asking this, I slap him in the face and state firmly, "As long as your under this roof, this is your life.  You'll be retaining with a schedule.  Don't ask about it again.  Now, pump!"  I call that setting the Terms of Entry.  It's been over a year.  He should be used to this by now, and he is,  but during the throws of passion, he can drift to being a little goal oriented toward ejaculation, and it helps to (if I can borrow a term form my college behaviorism days) helicopter the dog.  And I do this by periodically setting the terms of entry to remind him of the terms and conditions of being in a relationship with me especially when he starts yearning to be a free ejaculator again.  In the throws of passion with the crying and begging, he needs something to refocus him occasionally on what his primary task is.  And that's to "pump" and hit that A-spot (see chap10).  Setting the Terms of Entry help remind him why I allow him in there in the first place, and it's not for him to ejaculate except for about once a week.  The rest of the time is about the pleasure of intercourse for both of us.

It's up to the women to be strong and have resolve about the ejaculation schedule in the height of passion.  If not, spills will be inevitable.  Is this cruel?  When you set the Terms of Entry, pay attention to his penis that's pulsing inside you.  Does it get even harder than it was before or seem like it gets softer?  I find the firmer and sterner I am setting the Terms of Entry on a regular basis the more he responds to it.  I only have to look at and feel his penis to know how he feels about things that he may be too ashamed to admit.

Helicoptering the dog is an analogy borrowed from dog training.  Sometimes, working with dominant aggressive breeds like the ones used for law enforcement, the trainer must establish dominance, as the dog, no matter what you do, thinks he's the boss.  It really should only be done to a highly aggressive breed that is actually trying to kill/attack the trainer.  To do this the trainer will take the dogs lead and swing the dog by the neck like a helicopter rotor blade.  Of course, I've never done this to a dog.  I don't even have a fraction of the strength required to do it or the heart.  But the trainer does it for the dogs own good and to save it from being classified as untrainable.  It can take the tenacity of even the most alpha human male to overcome a dog like this and establish dominance.  But once done, the dog knows without question who is dominant, and he can have a productive edifying life.  If you were to ask my husband, he would say his life is much more edifying and productive with a strong resolute female controlling his ejaculation schedule.

I think "Helicoptering the Dog" is a good analogy for setting the terms of entry to your vagina and a good metaphor for the kind of resolve it can take to keep a man from releasing in the throws of passion.  Remember, I said "metaphor."  It's just a stern verbal reminder (and maybe a slap with it) of who's in charge of the schedule, and it's not him.  He sometimes needs to be reminded of what his life now is, and the Terms of Entry need to be repeated periodically as he's completely out of his mind with passion.  Don't forget he's receiving the best sex he's ever had, and he'll be grateful for your resolve maybe a half hour after intercourse is over and his head is starting to clear, and when his ejaculation day does arrive, it will be the sweetest release he's ever had.

Thankfully, my husband chooses to abide by these terms as he knows his needs transcend what he may want.  As always, these things should be discussed in depth between the couple.  We have weekly companion inventories that are a set aside time where concerns can be brought up.  Open communication is paramount in a relationship. We all know what men want.  The trick is knowing what they need.  I feel it's my responsibility not to give him what he wants, but what he needs.  Giving him what he wants will only damage our relationship.  And ultimately, what he needs will give him more than he ever thought to want.

~Namaste

Thanks to my hubby for help with the website ....and for the orgasms.

DISCLAIMER: This blog depicts the loving consensual agreed upon relationship between the author and her husband.  Every relationship should be safe, sane and consensual.  Anything else is illegal. This blog is not meant to substitute for your personal due diligence and is not to be taken as medical advice.

Sunday, December 4, 2016

Examples of Aversive Stimuli


More than a few times people have asked me for suggestions in my comment sections on aversive stimuli that could be used for unauthorized ejaculation.  I decided to put this together so I have something that I can easily refer people to. If you select the right one and apply it correctly, your husband's behavior can improve greatly.

You will have to decide what works best with your husband during your companion inventories. With any aversive stimulus, if the behavior repeats, or isn't curtailed, then a different stimulus should be tried.   My husband fears non-contact punishment much more than contact.  My go to non-contact punishment is to delay ejaculation day, and that will  curtail his mouth immediately every time.  The phrase "You've just been (or will be) bumped a day." functions as a sharp reminder when he drifts over the line.  Really, this should be enough to influence and correct behavior for most males once you've both agreed that your the one controlling the ejaculation schedule.

There are so many effective aversive stimuli available which may be more appealing to women to apply than contact punishment.  For most of us, our nature is not to be harsh and abusive.  I encourage you to come up with your own ideas with your husband in your companion inventories.  The following are ideas that often work just as well if not better than contact punishment:

-Delay ejaculation day one or two days (this is the most common one I use).

- An early bedtime for a week.

-Revoking TV or computer time.

-Putting him on an allowance and restricting or increasing it according to his behavior.

-If he's a sports fan, deciding which games he will be able to watch if any.  Personally, I think sports watching should be eliminated, but that's for each individual wife to decide.  I really struggle not to strongly recommend the elimination of aggressive sports like football as from my observation of men watching football, it seems to bring out aggression in them.  A sports doctor at a medical conference relayed to me that domestic violence rates go up on Sundays the day of NFL games.  There have been many women who have been brutalized at the hands of their husbands when his team lost.  It brings out the worst in some men.

-Restricting time out with his friends. That should always be at the discretion of the wife. If he's going out with friends, he should always call and ask permission first.

-Corner time

Any one of these really cuts into his life in a way that is felt to the core and modifies behavior.

There are so many other options for the male that craves a controlling female authority, your goals can be easily accomplished without any physical contact.  The above are just some examples. Even better if you and your husband find your own path through your companion inventories.  And always be safe and consensual.


Token Economies

Token economies are a very powerful tool to shape behavior and used for children and adults.  They are especially powerful for the man that earns actual money outside the home as it's a currency that he can't earn outside of you.  You are the dispenser of this unique currency.  Red, white and blue poker chips are commonly used for this.  These chips are linked to behavior both good and bad.  Token economies are so powerful because the chips are reinforcers.  Chips are given for good behavior and subtracted for bad behavior.  What's great about this chips is that they're tied to positive reinforcers.  They are hard and tangible, and you can carry them easily in your pocket and dispense them immediately when you want to reward behaviors

Just as an example, you might say that he needs 7 red chips for an ejaculation, and give him one red chip for each day he doesn't ejaculate.  His chip bank should always be easily accessible to you so you easily subtract any color chip you wish in the event of bad behavior.  Maybe the blue chips could be used for a sexual activity that's his favorite, and if he earns 15-20 of them, you can make that happen for him.  Maybe the white chips could represent 5 minutes of free computer time he could use to view porn if that's his thing.  You can link the white chips to cleaning the toilets, floors etc.  These are just ideas to get you started.  Let your imagination run wild.

An Allowance

An allowance is a great idea for husbands that function in the role of a traditional housewife where he is solely dependent on the income from the wife.  Nothing influences behavior more than going from a $50-100 dollar a week allowance to $10.   You can also tie in the poker chip economy to this.

Contact Punishment

Surprisingly, at least to me, many males crave this from a woman.  And when she does it, it many times still isn't delivered as harshly or severely as he would like.  I almost wonder if European males thought they were following the golden rule of "Do unto others as you would have them do to you" when they enslaved African citizens and did unspeakable things to them, acting out they're own secret fantasies.  The problem with contact punishment for a male that opts for it is that in order for it to function as an averse stimulus, it must be severe enough to wipe out the arousal and function as an actual punishment.  That's why I don't recommend it.  If you live in a more metro area, and want to pursue that road, you should contact a professional in the BDSM community that can instruct you on how to do it safely.  You might want to choose a male instructor from the gay BDSM community over a female.  Men have had thousands of years of being brutal and merciless.  It's in their DNA.  Just tell them what your objective is and inform him your husband has a masturbation problem or a spilling problem that needs to be corrected.  I'm sure he will welcome the opportunity to help you get the message across to your husband.  Choosing a male instructor also has the benefit of not being an arousing female to your heterosexual male.  Just the thought of submitting to another male for punishment might be a powerful enough aversive that he will do everything possible to avoid it.   You could have this BDSM specialist instruct you or just schedule an appointment with him when your husband requires it and have him deliver it with or without you being present if your squeamish.  I assume a professional like this will have all the proper release from liability forms for your husband to sign plus all the restraints and other expensive equipment, so there are benefits.  If the specialist does this correctly, it may wind up only being a one time thing.  Many women are not into contact punishment or may be squeamish, and this is the best solution I can come up with to satisfy both parties.  The wife could be in the room and supervise her husband's punishment at the hands of a male BDSM professional.

I deliver contact punishment to my husband as a concession to him, and I have grown to enjoy it quite a bit, but I'm not an instructor on delivering it.  The issue of safety is an important one.  Every male will be different in what it takes to instruct him on the importance of separating ejaculation from intercourse.  My husband is insisting he has learned his lesson at 50-100 strokes, and begging me to stop.  Julie at Strict Julie Spanks in her article "Beating Your Man Safely" suggests a 300 stroke 30 minute session to get the message across.  That may be what my husband needs, but I'm a softy.  His spills are rare so I will stick to what I'm doing for now.  Following the ejaculation schedule is the only priority because all his other behaviors can be influenced with it.  Just suggesting Julie's 30 minute 300 stroke session definitely got his attention, and I'm sure it will be in the back of his mind to guide him during intercourse as I know my 50-100 stroke sessions are already a strong deterrent.  If you decide to practice contact punishment  after being properly instructed, your husband will grow to fear and respect you, and consequently great love and worship for you can result from this.  From my experience and observation, men despise weak women, and weak daughters of Eve while initially sought by males for easy vaginal access, eventually are neglected and abused by men.  I can't think of how many of my girlfriends suffer in relationships with men that take them for granted.

If you read my comments sections on various entries, much of this will have been repeated information, but now I've got it all in one place.  As I've said before, this is not about a female led relationship for us.  A female led relationship is the result of my husband practicing semen retention, and my assistance by helping and enforcing his ejaculation schedule which has increased the passion in our relationship beyond measure as well as health benefits for him.  It's through him that I've discovered my nature as a daughter of Lilith and ground Eve beneath my feet. 

~Namaste

Thanks to my hubby for help with the website ...and the orgasms!

DISCLAIMER: This blog depicts the loving consensual agreed upon relationship between the author and her husband.  Every relationship should be safe, sane and consensual.  Anything else is illegal. This blog is not meant to substitute for your personal due diligence and is not to be taken as medical advice.

Monday, November 21, 2016

Reader Question: Health Concerns About Semen Retention



I received this question from a reader recently:

Great blog full of practical information, thank you!

Given your medical/science background, do you have any health concerns regarding long-term retention? My wife's previous schedule was a monthly ejaculation. We are gradually working on increasing the length between ejaculations to once or twice a year which I am in complete agreement with.

Are you aware of any health risks with such a long term schedule? I'm currently at almost three months and feel great so far. Thank you for your consideration.


 I answered it in the comments section, but I thought it would be worth going into it with a little more detail.  There really isn't any consensus on this in the medical community, but there are some interesting studies to look at.  However, different studies reach different conclusions which may just add to the confusion more than clarification on the issue.

Masturbation Frequency Linked to Prostate Risk in 20s, Protection in 50s

Polyxeni Dimitropoulou, PhD; Rosalind Eeles, PhD, FRCP; and Kenneth R. Muir, PhD, obtained detailed sexual histories from 840 men. About half the men developed prostate cancer by age 60, and about half did not have cancer.

This was a 2009 study that states frequent masturbation for men is 2-7 times a week for men in their 20-30s and increased the risk of prostate cancer compared to same age men masturbating less than once a month.  These frequent masturbators had a 79% greater chance of prostate cancer by age 60.

For men in their 50s, frequent masturbation was defined as one or more times per week compared to same age men that reported never masturbating.  These 50 year old masturbators had a 70% less chance of prostate cancer.

One of the things that really stood out to me was the article stated:

"The findings were surprising. Sexual intercourse did not affect prostate cancer risk. But frequent masturbation did -- in different ways, at different times of life."

I thought this was fascinating just from a spiritual Taoist perspective.  The union between the Yoni and Lingam would be a totally different flow of energy than masturbation.  It's interesting to see this aspect reflected in the science.  I've noticed that extensive pre-climax stimulation to my husband's penis with my hands causes blue balls whereas extensive pre-climax stimulation with my vagina does not.  My husband doesn't want to experiment with increasing the validity of this observation by replicating it repeatedly.


Dimitropoulou, now at England's University of Cambridge
 "It is kind of logical that a moderate level of masturbatory activity has to be maintained," she says. "Not too much, and not none at all."

"In mature age, it may be more important that toxins get flushed out of the system," she says. "And because the masturbation frequency was not as high in the men's 50s as it was in their 20s, even low levels of masturbation in the 50s has a protective effect."

These are just theories, Dimitropoulou warns. More research is needed to determine the exact role of sex hormones and sexual activity in prostate-cancer risk at different stages of life.

In conflict with the above study, we have the  earlier 2003, 2004 studies below.

Harvard’s Health Professionals Follow-up Study

As part of Harvard’s Health Professionals Follow-up Study, 29,342 men between the ages of 46 and 81 reported their average number of ejaculations per month in young adulthood (ages 20–29), in mid-life (ages 40–49), and also in the most recent year.  Ejaculations included, nocturnal emissions, sexual intercourse and masturbation. Researchers found that men who ejaculated 21 or more times a month enjoyed a 33% lower risk of prostate cancer compared with men who reported four to seven ejaculations a month throughout their lifetimes.

An Australian study of 2,338 men came to a similar conclusion. In all, men who averaged 4.6 to seven ejaculations a week were 36% less likely to be diagnosed with prostate cancer before the age of 70 than men who ejaculated less than 2.3 times a week on average. The study found no connection between prostate cancer and the number of sex partners. (An earlier study, however, found that men who had sex with 30 or more women were two to three times more likely to develop prostate cancer than men with only one partner.)

But researchers stress that until more is known about the role of ejaculation and prostate cancer, researchers say men shouldn't change their sexual behavior.  "This one study doesn't warrant any recommendations. Men shouldn't go out and start changing their habits," says Leitzmann.

There are many variables involved and too many internals of these studies for me to look at here.  I wouldn't read too much into these studies.  No one knows enough yet, and I'm not sure any of these studies relates at all to my husband as he is an individual that is living a radically different lifestyle than those men polled in these studies.  He is a highly stimulated male engaged in mind shattering sex almost daily without ejaculation except for about once a week.  Science isn't likely to find a large population of such males to conduct a thirty year study on.  He has gone from low volume, clear watery bitter ejaculate from frequent ejaculation to a high volume, creamy, thick, mostly neutral tasting white ejaculate with heavy stimulation and infrequent ejaculation.  The above studies also neglect to mention that testosterone increases after 7 days of retention which is a very significant benefit for men that are low in testosterone.  He also supplements with Zinc after ejaculation.  They also neglect to focus on what may be the true benefit.  Is it the sexual stimulation or the ejaculation?

NoFap

If you look at the NoFap community on YouTube and their forum where men have pledged to not masturbate, you'll find many testimonials from men about how much their lives have improved from not indulging.

The men in these videos below seem balanced and centered. YouTube videos you might want to view:

Semen Retention & NoFap - Powerful Benefits 

Sex & NoFap - 4 months without cumming

After 3 years of not masturbating - 11 tips

This is really something the reader will have to search out and find what the right answer is for them.  The medical research available all has to be taken with a grain of salt too.  It recently came to light that at least 50% of the research published is invalid because the studies aren't reproducible with the same results.  Shocking!  And statistics can really give us inaccurate perspectives depending on how they are used and worded.  At a recent medical conference I attended, a presenter stated smoking doubles your risk of lung cancer but then broke it down and explained what this means.  What isn't commonly known is that 5% of non smokers develop lung cancer, and 10% of smokers develop lung cancer.  Yes, that's double the risk, but I still bet your surprised that only 10% of smokers get lung cancer.  You really need to take apart every study and look at the raw numbers.  And, yes, you should absolutely stop smoking!  :-)




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DISCLAIMER: This blog depicts the loving consensual agreed upon relationship between the author and her husband.  Every relationship should be safe, sane and consensual.  Anything else is illegal. This blog is not meant to substitute for your personal due diligence and is not to be taken as medical advice.