Once my man was retaining, I began to naturally assert my self. As he was retaining his self perception began to change bringing him more into alignment with the vision of what I thought our relationship should be. I feel that ideally that a relationship should be loving and passionate through the years and not taper off to a passionless state with time. Retention seems to have largely accomplished that for us. Again, I only have experience with one retaining male so your mileage may vary, but I assume most men will respond in a similar way.
The biggest thing for my husband was changing the perception of his ejaculation as a "given" in intercourse to ejaculation being optional. My perception also changed about this as well. I know this isn't practical, but in an ideal world, I think men should only ejaculate when trying to conceive a child, and the rest of the time during the relationship, he should be retaining in order to foster maximum emotional intimacy in the relationship. My husband certainly doesn't do this, but still his perception of his ejaculation has gone from it's totally up to him whenever and wherever to "I want to ejaculate. I need to discuss this with her." And we'll have a meeting and discuss it. It's up to me to decide if it's the most prudent thing for him or not. Ejaculation is not frivolous thing for him as it is for most males. That's a huge change for him and it has a ripple effect to other aspects of his psyche:
Cultural Perception of Masculinity
This is a big one. A real man shouldn't have to ask his wife if he can ejaculate. I would contend that a real man can see the big picture and see that if he submits to his wife in this one area, that the whole relationship will transcend to a different level. And that he needs her to be stronger than he can be during the heat of intercourse and enforce retention. Most western males simply aren't going to be able to retain without assistance form the female. Retaining isn't something that he can secretly do. It's something that's out in the open that we're both aware of, and I do what I can to stop it to preserve his semen contents like the precious zinc in his system among other things. We have separated ejaculation from intercourse and accept that his penis is only for penetration and to help me climax and a weekly draining to flush it out for maintenance. The cultural perception of masculinity has been determined largely by free ejaculating males and the women that submit to them. Things that come from it like two men hitting each other in the head until one falls down are probably disposable and not essential to our culture. From my experience, the retaining male is focused on his wife and not cultural perceptions.
He confesses that he feels humiliated on occasion as I use him for my pleasure leaving him with an engorged penis and my secretions covering his face as I just walk away. But this dynamic makes him even harder, so I discount it. Humiliation is part of his arousal mechanism, and it seems to be the result of retention. Couples will have to make their own observations about this, and see if it bares out for them as well. Retention leaves him accepting his role as a tool for my pleasure and looking forward to serving me again and again.
Once I had him to the point where he knew that I wanted him to consult with me before ejaculation, it brought us much closer. He waits for the release command on ejaculation day. The last thing he hears before his ejaculation is the sound of my voice giving him permission to do so. I think that this alone will produce changes in the relationship. And I must admit, it's a bit of a rush seeing a penis do that simply because I tell it to. I always like to look back as I'm riding his face for my orgasm after giving the release command to watch him squirt. Once I removed that privacy from his life, and inserted myself in the decision making process between him and his penis, he was always hoping to be with me. We went from leading separate lives in many ways to being much closer and increasing the frequency of intimacy.
Men and Women: The Nature of Their Sexual Purpose
My husband is only denied orgasm because it's so inextricably tied to ejaculation. To retain means holding onto his semen and unfortunately that means removing orgasm but not pleasure. There is no need to introduce this life giving fluid into our recreational activity. It's interesting that women can orgasm for purely recreational reasons having nothing to do with procreation, and it's virtually impossible for 99.9% of men to orgasm without spilling what's vital only for procreation, but yet we view men as the more sexual creature when in reality it's the opposite with a sexually awakened woman. Men are procreative creatures preoccupied with and driven to release ejaculate. I let my husband fulfill his purpose of releasing ejaculate about once to twice a week. I simply delay his release by 3-7 days instead of 3-7 minutes letting our passion and intimacy spread into all aspects of our life throughout the week. Why not have him retain all the time?
There are some men that do retain all the time; however, I think it may be a healthy thing to flush out the plumbing once in awhile. Also, if he was never allowed to ejaculate, his brain would turn to mush. When we have gone for longer periods without, he becomes too needy to be with me constantly desiring sex. He follows me around like a lost puppy and can't think straight. Some women may enjoy this, but it gets to the point where I find it an annoyance and can't get any real world activities done. Then I begin to resent him which is not the goal for our relationship. If the sexual activity isn't bringing both parties closer together, it's time for us to rethink and change strategy.
Women are sexual having sex not only to procreate but for their own pleasure releasing no fluid that has anything to do with procreation during orgasm. The male orgasm is inextricably tied to the procreative act. A women's orgasm is not. The reader can make their own observations about this fact, but I think I can draw conclusions about this fact as to our purposes for my husband and myself. I have sex as recreation. He has sex for procreation not that he wants children, but the end result of the sex act is a fluid that is only good for that purpose. He can have sex as recreation as well but only without orgasm and ejaculation. He receives intense pleasure but no orgasm leaving him without resolution in the moment but lasting intimacy throughout the week, hoping, yearning, longing to be close to me and only me. This is what all women/girls think they get when they get married and a man takes his vows. This is an illusion. I've found the only way to achieve this with a man is through semen retention from my experience. It can only be done by inserting myself into his private life and making his ejaculation very much my business.
My husband found the chart below. I think it's from Marnia Robinson author of Cupid's Poison Arrow. It basically sums it up. The notations on the chart are added by someone else, but I think they may be relevant. With retention, there is no sudden rise in prolactin and drop in Dopamine. prolaction is basically the "I don't love you anymore hormone". I assume after intercourse, these levels do taper off to somewhat normal, but it appears to me there is not a sudden dump of prolactin into his system like happens with ejaculation given his response with no ejaculation. It could be said that by preventing the dump of prolactin the wife is preserving the love that her husband has for her. Sorry ladies if that demystifies love for you. But an autopsy on love has been done, and we know basically how it works in rudimentary terms. They say upon ejaculation, prolactin can be released in surges for up to two weeks which does account for his testiness and lack of respect for me at certain times from my observation if true. If a man is ejaculating daily with masturbation, is it any wonder why passion is drained form a marriage. If we go with this prolactin theory, and I think I will, there are studies of multi orgasmic men that really don't have a refractory period. Meaning they have intercourse, ejaculate and then immediately go at it again. They have measured that there is no prolactin release on that first ejaculation, but there is on the second ejaculation. They are not done with the woman until there is that prolactin release. So by stopping the prolactin dump into his system, I can regulate his love and adoration for me.
I've heard the phrase "adoring husband", but I don't think I've ever seen one until we practiced semen retention. Let's look at the definition of adoring:
- love and respect (someone) deeply.
- worship; venerate
synonyms:worship, glorify, praise, revere, reverence, exalt, extol, venerate, pay homage to;
What woman wouldn't want the adoration of her husband? I have it. I thought I'd share my experience. Maybe other women might gain some insight into their men by virtue of my experience.
Thanks to my hubby for help with the website ...and the orgasms!
DISCLAIMER: This blog depicts the loving consensual agreed upon relationship between the author and her husband. Every relationship should be safe, sane, and consensual. Anything else is illegal. This blog is not meant to substitute for your personal due diligence and is not to be taken as medical advice.