Saturday, January 7, 2017

Reader Question: How do I introduce this to my partner?



I've received a few questions from men that are really intrigued by this system, but are hesitant or afraid of what their wife might think or how they might react.  This is one of my most recent comments.


Wonderful blog you have here. Nicely put and everything seems logical. I want to share and practice this with my wife but I'm afraid how. I'm afraid how she's gonna react or what will she think.

I found this intro to Karezza video, and I wanted to share it.  First, if you don't know what your wife will think, there needs to be more open communication in your relationship.  Talking about what will turn you or her on, or how we can make our great relationship even better, hopefully should always be up for discussion.  And if you don't know how she would react, I certainly don't.

The below video is a really great intro to Karezza.  There is really only one flaw in that they recommend that both the male and female abstain from orgasm.  Alice Bunker Stockham is the originator of Karezza.  She originally recommended that only men refrain from orgasm, but she thought that was unfair to the men and so adapted it to also include women as well.  The Tao or Tantra would disagree.  And as I witness it in my own life, having intercourse with a male that's practicing retention has opened my sexuality even further allowing me to be multi-orgasmic.  I am not drained by having orgasms.  I am only enhanced.  My husband however is drained of energy by ejaculation.  With daily stimulation, my husband's one orgasm a week is more powerful than they otherwise would be.  So, Mrs. Stockham came up with a good thing and then got sidetracked by some twisted version of what she thought might be fair and just IMO.  You can practice however you think it works best for you as a couple.  I have not read Cupid's Poisened Arrow by Marnia Robinson, but I am familiar with her point of view from interviews etc.  I thought this video could be a nice little ice breaker to open up a discussion as a couple to other possibilities:

Cupid's Poisened Arrow Animated Book Review 



The Daily News also did a story on Karezza which could also serve as an ice breaker:

Skip the Orgasm - What's the Point? Couples Embrace Karezza, Sex Without Climax to Strengthen Relationships

ABC News has a story and video:

Karezza: Men Say Best Sex Comes Without Orgasm

Here's a very well grounded woman who helps and facilitates her partner's retention:

Sacred Sex Magic: Conserving Male Energy Using Karezza




Here's a interview with Marnia Robinson which could serve as nice ice breaker:

What Really Bonds is Less Orgasms & More Intercourse



Marnia applies abstaining from orgasm to women in this interview, and says you have to see where you fall on the bell curve as to how it effects you.  Many women don't orgasm during sex naturally.  Are they practicing Karezza?  No, they have a physiological or psychological barrier.  I simply have no ill effects from orgasm, and I have 9 nearly every day.  Many women struggle to have an orgasm.  They need to open their sexuality.  Men have much more profound ill effects from orgasm / ejaculation.  These videos can serve to open the discussion, and the couple can discuss the best method to facilitate the male's retention.  We have found that it works very well in the context of a FLR.

Anyway, here's some potential ice breakers.  See if you deem them appropriate for your spouse to view.

~Namaste





DISCLAIMER: This blog depicts the loving consensual agreed upon relationship between the author and her husband.  Every relationship should be safe, sane and consensual.  Anything else is illegal. This blog is not meant to substitute for your personal due diligence and is not to be taken as medical advice.

16 comments:

  1. I've added two more videos that might serve as good ice breakers.

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  2. Hi Yoga Girl. Women shouldn't abstain from ejaculation, because it's absolutely natural and healthy for women to squirt.Female ejaculation has many other benefits for female physical, psychological and physical health.Tantra and Tao recommend and encourage female ejaculation,on the contrary of male ejaculation.Men get depleted and depressed after ejaculation etcetera.Women who don't ejaculate feel depressed and drained.When they squirt they get stronger,healthier and energized.So men, who love and cherish their women,should retain to give their beloved bigger and stronger female orgasms.Happy wife,happy life.Thanks for good encouraging videos.

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    1. Your welcome. Hope they serve to open a discussion within the relationship.

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  3. Karezza is a good way to make love. This technique helps couple to make their relationship stronger and healthier, understanding better each others needs and desires.It bond you as couple spiritually and emotionally, you can relax and enjoy lovemaking with your partner. What is Karezza? Reuniting...this site explains how to practice karezza. I thing this videos,and karezza can really help to break ice between partners.

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    1. I think it's a good way to open a discussion about the male retaining, and then the couple can discuss how the female can help facilitate this retention.

      In our relationship, it's necessary for me to be stern and have firm resolve to help him maintain this retention in the throws of passion.

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  4. Dear Yoga Girl,

    Before making this entry, I discovered your blog in September, 2016 and read all the entries until that moment and I want to thank you.

    My name here is "Satiko" (my alter ego), I am a simple son of Adam, I was born and I live in Brazil and I am married with a Woman who I love very much....

    It's fantastic how the internet brings people together, ideas and hearts.

    When I read your entries, I understood how I always acted wrongly with my Wife / Mistress. I was selfish, I did not realize that She was the reason for my existence.

    I acknowledge my guilt, but like Eve's daughters, we men are educated by society to be what we are today. Maybe it would be a good idea for you to approach in a next post, "What would be the best way for Eva's daughters to become daughters of Lilith and how to appropriately educate the children of Adam?"

    My father ever worked outside the home, soon and I grew up in a "governed" (it's a strong word! The better it would be, "managed") home by women. My mother and my grandmother!

    In a natural way I learned the value of a woman, her housework, which I learned to do well. This kind of life experience I think has made me to be more submissive and have more respect by feminine autority. I must acknowledge that in a way, this education helped me a lot as a husband.

    When I read your fantastic blog, I decided to buy a chastity device so that I could no longer masturbate and started practicing retention of my semen for my Wife/Mistress.

    It is impressive the psychological "meaning" that a device of chastity has on the mind of a man. It reminds me permanently that I am submissive and my sexual energy is fully directed to adequately meet and satisfy the whims of my Wife/Mistress, since I do not be depleted.

    Now it is my Wife/Mistress who chooses when and how She desires to have relationships. I have dissociated the habit of associating sexual intercourse with ejaculation, since, my body now is for her pleasure.

    The Female Led Relationship/Marriage (FLR/FLM) is more about a lifestyle decision where the woman has the leading role. It is also about the male embracing his obedience to his wife and striving to please her. I also believe there is a woman's responsibility to take care of the needs of her submissive man.

    Unfortunately I live an unhealthy FLR/FLM relationship, my Wife/Mistress likes and approve to have a submissive husband to make the housework, to cook, to wash and ironing clothes, to wash dishes, take care of kids and much more, however She cares nothing about my submissive needs and shows no affection for me. I am deeply disappointed, because my level of horniness always remains high and I never have any recognition.

    I believe that positive reinforcement is an effective method for motivating a submissive partner and keeping him obedient to Wife or Girlfriend. Training a man is similar to teaching a child or even training a dog. A child who is applauded for doing a good job, beams with joy and is encouraged to continue to do good and try harder. A dog will go crazy and do whatever he needs to do and please his owner in order to get a treat. Why not apply similar logic to training or pleasure for a submissive partner?

    One thing I have learned over the years is that a submissive man get excited and aroused from knowing he is pleasing their Dominant Wife. If what he is doing is pleasing to Her either sexually or in a non-sexual way, then he is motivated to continue to do it even if it is not something he want to do. This feminine power over men is something that many women don't know, and must enjoy without forget the needs of her submissive boyfriend or husband.

    After all your blog inspired me to remember mine is to make the life of my Wife/Mistress easier and more pleasurable while expecting nothing in return... my place is to be happy in service.

    Thanks for reading...

    Satiko + 10 Shades of Pink! (From Brasil)

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    1. I'm glad your finding the blog useful, Satiko. I agree with your feelings completely. The fact that she shows no affection for you is distressing. I would hope that she would be providing some stimulation to you between your ejaculation days. Communication is a two way street. Hopefully, you can establish a time to have a meeting where you both can express how and why your both feeling the way that you are or find a qualified professional counselor that could help facilitate this communication.

      My husband and I try to have regular companion inventories where he could bring this up to me if it were the case. In any case, I feel it's my responsibility to provide regular stimulation to his penis between his ejaculation days as I'm his only source of stimulation since masturbation for him is prohibited.

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  5. I have a question, somewhat unrelated to this specific post, but related to your overall blog. I hope that's ok.

    My experience since beginning an ejaculation schedule picked by my wife has generally been positive. However, one down side I do notice is that when we have sex, my arousal is at such a high level that I don't have a lot of endurance. As in, only a short amount of thrusting often requires me to pull back to avoid orgasm. Now, for us accidents really don't occur, but sometimes we both wish I wasn't teetering on the edge QUITE as easily. Strangely though it IS fun for her to tease me to dance on the edge indefinitely, but for certain parts of our lovemaking we wish to not be so close to it.

    Do you have any recommendations on how to handle this? It seems sort of an inevitable result of the orgasm control and ejaculations only every 5-7 days, but maybe we're missing something.

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    1. I think what you’re experiencing is fairly normal. If you need to pull back and just do Karezza with no thrusting and just being intimate, that should also be fine. Do that for as long as you need. Enjoy that intimacy. Being passionate shouldn’t just include thrusting. When your on the edge like that, that is a very passionate connection even if your not thrusting. I would assume that the longer you do this, the more stamina you’ll build. One thing that works for us is morning sex. It seems that with morning erections, his penis is hard but less connected to his brain. He can thrust much longer without feeling like he’s going to ejaculate. I usually get in his bed and it takes very little to effort to get great morning wood if it’s not already waiting, and he’s still a little groggy from sleep. I can then ride it for extended period while his brain is still disconnected. there are also various desensitizing creams they make to deaden sensation of the penis. I think Trojan has one. You’ve probably seen ads for it on TV. Though, this will take some of the fun out of it for your wife. She enjoys the fact that she can stimulate you that much as I do to my husband. This is also one of the things I love about retention. I am now an intense stimulus to my husband instead of him being so depleted that he’s having sex like it’s a chore with little stimulation to him and taking forever to cum. I enjoy riding him when he’s on the edge. When he’s about to blow it, it propels me to orgasm, and I jump on his face for completion which relieves the intense stimulation to his penis, and he can just concentrate on licking ..and repeat. Hope that was of some help.

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    2. Yes, your response was helpful. Your description also is very intense and beautiful, part of the reason I love your blog :)

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  6. I dont have a partner wish i did but i have no idea how bring up to female i want her dominate or spank me or ask her for spanking any tip or idea you have for me sometime once i meet female i want ask her to do these things

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    1. It's hard to talk about a person you haven't met yet, but once you do meet her, you'll have a better sense of who she is and whether she might be open to these things as you talk and get to know each other. I would think you would want to build a solid connection first. Hopefully, she'll want to know what turns you on. If you bring up retention through Tantra and the Tao, she might see it as a spiritual practice which it is. There might even be some mainstream movies like "Saving Silverman" that might open a discussion. It's a comedy about two friends that are trying to save their friend from a domineering woman.

      The spanking is just one method a woman can use to support her husband as he practices retention, and it makes it fun at least for us. Hopefully it will be obvious to you where her head is at on these things as you slowly get to know each other. And of course the above videos in this blog entry will help lay the foundation. The rest is just a matter of how she can help support you in retaining in the heat of the moment.

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  7. Nice post. What struck me about the first of the video links you included in this post was who the narrator was speaking to. Although he spoke of sex as a male/female 'act', his words were directed to men, not women. When he mentioned how too many orgasms sometimes cause others to 'look for another partner', it was the male that his comment was directed to on his white-board. I think you are dead on when it comes to how differently the sexes respond hormonally to ejaculation. Thanks for addressing this pertinent topic.

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    1. Marnia mentions orgasm as being detrimental to women as well. Women can suffer from postcoital dysphoria (PCD). 46% of 230 women (university women) said they have experienced PCD at least once in their lifetime. 5% said they experienced it only a few times over 4 weeks.

      In another study in 2012, 32.9% of 200 women reported experienced PCD symptoms with 10% admitted to distress and depression after sex.

      Much of these symptoms could be due to frustration of not having reached orgasm with their partner. These studies are dealing with college age women which are having sex with more than likely college age males. I might be a little sad at times too having sex with these three minute wonders. In any case, it's something for women to be aware of. If they do experience PCD, they might want to follow Marnia's advise. PCD after orgasm might likely be due to the release of prolactin which acts to shut things down after intercourse completion counteracting the release of dopamine that's responsible for arousal.

      But yes, I think your right that orgasm is most detrimental to men in how it effects their mood and other physiological factors. I can only speak to my experience. I'm just with a single male, and orgasm effects him in profound ways that are not for the better. He goes from loving without orgasm to unloving after orgasm. Without orgasm, he experiences the pleasure of intercourse for much longer instead of just a brief ejaculation rush and the post ejaculation symptoms. I find it's better for my husband to limit his ejaculations to 5-7 days or two weeks with almost daily intercourse depending on various factors.

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  8. As man l want to say, frequent ejaculation was really bad for spiritual evolution, my physical health, l felt depleted and usually in bad mood.As all men who don't practice semen retention and ejaculation schedules.Men who ejaculate frequently disrespect and abuse their and female nature.Women are not frigid,3 minutes is not even enough to warm up for female, and man has just finished. Tantra explains women are stronger sexually and they can ejaculate as much as they want, because women don't dissipate their energy, they get stronger and healthier. For men it's just the opposite, so the best option for all men is to practice semen retention. I think with time all men will lear to have orgasms without ejaculation, as their nature reveals to them.Thanks for your encouraging posts.

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    1. Thanks for your thoughts. I've made the same observations in my relationship.

      ~Namaste

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