"Writing at my wife's request who recently found your blog. She's so pleased by the benefits of this that she wonders why allow any ejaculation, ever? Two weeks in so far and I'm worried about health consequences, although she says those are overblown. She also took to the separate bed idea given my constant night erections. So now after some gentle oral attention under the covers while she reads, followed by a nightly leg and foot massage while she falls asleep, I retreat to the sofa. Worried I'm becoming more of a maid than a husband (yes, apron and all), although in all other areas we're communicating and getting along better than ever. Advice?"
I’m so glad that both of you are finding retention rewarding. You will need to ascertain the benefits or ill effects of retention for yourselves. I really can’t make a recommendation. Consult your physician. Just keep up on the latest studies and see where it leads you. As far as the psychology of the relationship you can also alternate back and forth and see if the marriage is better with retention or without.
"She's so pleased by the benefits of this that she wonders why allow any ejaculation, ever?”
No ejaculations ever? It’s just my opinion that ejaculation reinforces erections keeping it likely that they will occur more frequently. I like erections, and that’s my target behavior. If erections are never allowed to ejaculate, there may be fewer and fewer erections just going by behavioral science principles. They call that putting behavior on extinction when the reinforcer (in this case: ejaculation) is never delivered. Intermittent reinforcement causes target behavior to strengthen. So when I let him squirt once a week but not always, his penis always has hope that this time may be the time and not just exist in despair of why bother because it’s not going to happen anyway. I’ve heard of men that retain for very long periods, like for months and months. I’m not sure what the right answer is. Each couple will have to work that out for themselves. I think if I said never, my husband’s sex drive may dwindle, and he may lose interest. There are plenty of couples out there that don’t have sex and both libidos are low. His desire fuels mine and drives our sex life. We’re tied very close together like that. You'll have to discuss your ejaculation schedule with your wife. She can experiment with it and see where your sweet spot is. It probably varies with each male.
Also from a medical stand point, it may be beneficial to flush the pipes so to speak for prostate health.
"She also took to the separate bed idea given my constant night erections"
I'm so sorry you lost your bed. I hope you're getting proper rest. Personally, separate beds works best for us for the reason your wife has stated. Erections are for women that are awake. I hope you can find room for a proper bed somewhere so you can have your own space. There are definitely benefits to separate beds. We use his bed for sex, and it keeps my sheets clean. Most people associate separate bedrooms with a marriage gone bad. We associate separate bedrooms with a marriage that is so passionate, sleep doesn't happen unless there are separate rooms. I don't advise people to do it. I don't want to be the cause of people drifting apart. Many find a close connection by sharing the same bed. Experiment and see what works.
"Worried I'm becoming more of a maid than a husband (yes, apron and all)"
I can see this being a common concern as men discover their true nature through retention. And when your surrounded by free ejaculating men that haven't been trained to retain, you will probably notice differences between you and other men. Being a maid and husband aren't exclusively separate roles, IMO. If your wife is happy expanding your role as husband to include being the maid, that's up to her. I think you just need her assurance that she still respects you as a man. Conventional societal roles are hard to overcome.
"in all other areas we're communicating and getting along better than ever. Advice?"
And that's what it's all about. Don't force it. Flow with it. Have regular companion inventories. Make sure you're both on the same page and heading in the same direction, and you won't need advice from anybody.
Thanks to my hubby for help with the website ...and the orgasms!
DISCLAIMER: This blog depicts the loving consensual agreed upon relationship between the author and her husband. Every relationship should be safe, sane and consensual. Anything else is illegal. This blog is not meant to substitute for your personal due diligence and is not to be taken as medical advice.